There has been a monster takeover!
Even though you may feel the need to avert your eyes or vomit into your handkerchief, these little monsters are actually quite harmless, unless you let them eat cheese between the hours of 9 am & 9 pm.
Crevice Monster – Lives in your bum, likes listening to Backstreet Boys, and on occasion has delusions of grandeur.
Belly Monster – Lives in the 7th dimension, will eat your hopes and dreams if you don’t feed it foods containing all the saturated fats.
Celine – I have no idea where he normally resides, he just showed up one day. I keep him around because of his lovely singing voice.
Spit Monster – This little guy is made up of lots and lots of different spits. He travels the world looking for more spit so that he can grow bigger and bigger and thus take over the world. I don’t have the heart to tell him this will never happen, it would crush his spirit.
Udder Monster – Say Konnichiwa! She only speaks Japanese, and due to her incredibly low IQ only knows how to say hello. She loves her Dr. Martens and one day wants to be a catwalk model – We know this because Crevice Monster can communicate with her via blow-offs.
Tentacles Monster – This guy is a real arsehole. He stole my last packet of crisps.